i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
