You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
