When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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