She's never allowed to turn 21 again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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