i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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