i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
