That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
