Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
