you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
