Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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