you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
