Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
