My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
