You're my little dorito
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
