I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
