So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
