in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
