I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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