I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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