The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
