She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
