It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
