My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
