you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's great music for shaving your balls
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i now understand why vodka
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize