I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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