Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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