Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
