I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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