Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
