Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
