very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
