You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
