You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
