you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
