They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
