this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
