Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
