Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
