Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
