What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
