If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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