You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
