My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
