Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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