When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
