If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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