And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
