I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
