escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
