Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
