Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He better not be in your backpack
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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