Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
