turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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