I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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