apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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