Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
