All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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