I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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