my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
