I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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