you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
