Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
