You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
