My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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