sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
