Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
