my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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