My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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