If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
