I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
