so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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