Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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