i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
they need to just BURY HIM!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
