I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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